A penguin is driving through the desert when all of a sudden he sees smoke pouring out of his engine. So he pulls into the first town he passes and finds a mechanic.
The mechanic says "I can fix your car no problem but it'll take about 20 minutes. There's a shop across the street if you want to get something to cool yourself down."
The penguin goes into the shop and orders himself a ice cream cone. Because he only has flippers he ends up putting the ice cream all over his beak and down his front. But still, hes cooled down no complaints.
He heads back over tho the garage to see if his car is done.
Mechanic says "thats you all fixed up ready to go"
"Awesome!What was the problem?" the penguin asked.
"well, it looks like you've blown a seal" the mechanic tells him.
Penguin replies "Nah mate, I've just spilled my ice cream!"

HAHA! This is hilarious! The penguin thought like "do a blowjob" haha! This probably implies he did blow seals back in arctica! But what is he doing in the desert? I DON'T KNOW! HAHA!

Not that bad!

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: He was outstanding in his field.

Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?
A: He ate his pizza before it was cool.

This thread reads like the back of a Penguin wrapper. They are truly Scotland's greatest gift to the world. The cultural artefact of our time.

A guy finds a magic lamp, the genie's 3 wishes come with one hitch: Everything the man receives, his wife gets double.

First wish, he asks for a mansion. The wife's one is twice the size

Secondly, he asks for a billion dollars. His wife ends up with 2 billion.

After that, the man asked to be beaten half to death...

One day a hobo got on a bus and seen an extremely hot nun on the bus sitting right next to him.

So he asked the nun to have sex with him and she replies "no!" At the next stop she immediatly got off, to get away from the hobo..The bus driver spotted the hobo and told him how to have sex with the nun."ever tuesday she prays in the cemetary to god. Go up to her in a jesus costume and tell her to have sex with you..Being a nun she will probably do anything god asks."

So the hobo thanked the bus driver and got off the bus to buy a costume of jesus.

When Tuesday rolled around the hobo went to the cemetary and just like the bus driver said she was praying to god. So the hobo went up to her in the jesus costume and said "i am jesus and i command you to have sex with me!!" the nun camly replied "yes jesus, but being a nun my pussy belongs to god"

So, the hobo went on giving it to the nun in the bum. After he was done He felt real manly and decided to tell the nun that it was really the hobo not jesus..So he did.."Hah nun its me the hobo!" and the nun replied" Hah hobo its me the bus driver!"

or here another version of the joke maybe even better


A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man comes up and exposes himself to them.
Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach.

hahahhhah

Q) What do you call a dog with a guitar plugged in it's ass?
A) A Chi-Wah-wah.

Ho ho ho!! Its Xmas party season. And in the RaggA household that means 3 things...

1) Obscene amounts of succulent roasted meat.
2) Excessive amounts of booze (more so than usual )
3) CHRISTMAS CRACKER BAD JOKES!!

So post up your best worst jokes from your crackers here. Here's a few from my work xmas party...

Q) How do ducks like to round off a meal?
A) Cheese and quackers.

Q) What is ET short for?
A) Because he's only got little legs.

Q) What's the smelliest animal on the farm?
A) The toilet duck.

So common lads and lasses. Share the pain, get cracking!! lol